


More than Iron Man

by Winterstar



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 16:25:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterstar/pseuds/Winterstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story started out as a five times plus one – five times where Tony and Steve were almost on a first date, but then it evolved into a story of Tony rediscovering Iron Man and who he is and how important Steve is in his new life.</p><p>Excerpt:<br/>He knows that Iron Man and Tony Stark are synonymous. There isn’t a difference between the two, but he does know that he cannot <i>just</i> be Iron Man. Tony Stark is <i>so</i> much more than Iron Man. He needs to expand beyond Iron Man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More than Iron Man

**Author's Note:**

> This is Iron Man 3 compliant - so there are spoilers. There are also some spoilers for the upcoming Captain America: The Winter Soldier movie but if you know anything about the comics, you already know what the spoiler is. I made some predictions about the plot of that movie - but they are just my wild ass ideas. No real spoilers on how that plays out. I mixed and matched verses here, so apologies.
> 
> Also, no beta - and I am really working on my Marvel Big Bang -- this is just a break in the thought stream....

Tony is stone cold, he doesn’t let things touch him, he doesn’t like to be handed things. He kept the cocoon of his armor around him long enough to protect and shield himself, long enough to know better than to allow anyone other than his inner circle to move him. Yet it is something simple and stupid that catches his eye, something he shouldn’t even be looking at.

After New York, after Malibu, and Extremis, Tony decides not to hide from the world anymore. He decides he needs to forget about Iron Man and walk amongst life and live. He starts his pilgrim to the altar of life by moving back to New York City. Pepper comes with him, but also spends an inordinate amount of time on a plane flying from coast to coast because Stark Industries still has its headquarters out there in California. 

This suits him just fine because he needs to stretch his wings, learn to fly without the protection of a mega-armored suit. She eyes him and worries about him, but ultimately she trusts him, though he has no idea why. She instructs him that his tinkering needs a focus and leaves him with that – fully knowing he will tread in places she doesn’t want him to go. Pepper does this, because Pepper knows him better than he knows himself. 

So one afternoon, while he’s sitting in his workshop and Pepper is half a world away (actually in Japan) he plays with the program to hack into the city’s video stream. He wants to find out what they knew before the Chitauri attack. How Loki entered the city and where. Stupid things like that – what ends up happening is that he starts digging further and deeper than he should until he chances upon a very simple, seemingly unimportant detail.

He finds an image of Steve sitting at an outdoor café with a waitress hanging over his table and two old men hunched over the table on Steve’s right. The girl says something and Steve bends forward and his face twists and he asks a question. Her long blonde hair shimmers in the sunlight. It only takes JARVIS less than a second to fill in the words.

“Sir, she says, we have free wireless.” 

“And what does Steve say?”

Steve leans over the table and, with a look of confusion that nearly breaks Tony’s heart. 

“Sir, he asked if she means radio.”

When he settles back in the chair, there’s nothing more to be said except the old man tells him to ask for her number. The same look of pain and twisted discomfort crosses Steve’s face. 

“Huh,” Tony says and considers the stilled image. He hasn’t seen or heard from popsicle for ages and ages. He knows Gramps went somewhere on the open road after the whole take down and remake of New York. He hadn’t heard from him after the Malibu incident or at any other time. It occurs to him to wonder if SHIELD even knows where the fuck Captain America might be hiding out these days. 

He asks JARVIS to patch him through to SHIELD and Hill comes on line. Her grimace is anything but inviting, but that’s Hill and he’s used to worse so he ignores it. “Where’s the Cap?”

“Excuse me?” She looks like just giving him time is pissing her off.

“Capsicle, you know, guy likes to sleep in ice for upteen years, wears blue tights, and runs around throwing an oversized plate at aliens and whomever else might be threatening the good ol’US of A?”

“Captain Rogers is unavailable at the moment,” she answers and he can see her move to switch off the feed.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, I’m not done. Where is he? Can I get in touch with him? When will he be back?”

Her eyes shift to the side and then back to the screen again. She hesitates just a second, and it tells him everything he needs to know.

“Wait, you don’t know where he is? You lost Captain America? You lost a guy who runs around looking like the flag?” Tony rubs his temples. Why is it he’s the only one that is sane around here?

“Mister Stark, since you are no longer in the business, SHIELD does not think it is any of your business-.”

“Excuse me? Who said I’m no longer in the business.”

She glowers at him, actually glowers with the full evil glare. “You blew up your armor.”

“Yes, yes that is true,” he says and smiles. He loves it when people are so convincing and utterly wrong. “Did I, did I at any time say I retired? Did someone report that because I don’t remember it?”

“You don’t have the suit, you’re not Iron Man.”

He lifts an eyebrow at her and says, “Ye have little faith and I am Iron Man.”

“If you’re done?” She reaches for the disconnect button. 

“You haven’t answered my question. Where is the Captain?” 

The feed goes fuzzy for an instant and then Fury is standing there in all his one eyed, leather patch matching coat glory. “Come in and we’ll tell you.”

“That sounds foreboding, doesn’t that sound foreboding, JARVIS?” Tony studies Fury. “Are you planning on sticking me with a hypodermic again?”

“That wasn’t me and it was for your own good.”

“That’s your story now,” Tony says and he doesn’t trust them for an instant. He has no idea why his current obsession is driving him but that look on the Captain’s face is like some kind of burr scratching away at his skin. He concedes and agrees to meet with Fury.

When he ends up at SHIELD HQ, he actually doesn’t meet with Fury, because wonder of wonders, the patchman himself is actually not in town. He’s elsewhere or, that’s what Hill tells him. He’s escorted to a small conference room which only serves to remind him of functionality and no style whatsoever. Do any spies other than James Bond have any style?

While he sits in one of the chairs swinging it side to side and waiting for some signal that this little trip isn’t a complete waste of time, Natasha walks in. She has straight hair now; it makes her look sterner and older. He’s not entirely sure it works for her, but he’s not one to mention that to someone who’s spent a lifetime learning how to kill people with one thumb jab.

She studies him, lifts an eyebrow, and then closes herself off by folding her arms. She’s telegraphing every single tell in the world. He’d have to be an idiot not to be able to read her. And Tony Stark? Well, Tony Stark is as far from an idiot as anyone could get.

“Captain Rogers left SHIELD a few months back.”

“Up and left.”

She nods and says, “He’d gone on a mission and some things, well, they didn’t work out well.”

“And?”

“And he quit.”

Tony barks out laughter, and then realizes she is not joking. “Right, right, you expect me to believe that one.”

“It’s the truth,” she says and sits down. Her arms outstretched on the highly polished table. She leans over it and stares him in the eye. Her gaze reminds him of a viper. “You’re not the only one who had some deep shit thrown at them recently. Let’s just say, the Captain, needed a breather.”

“And SHIELD gave it to him?”

“Not exactly,” she says and sits back, her feet propped up on the table. She scuffed the edge of it with her thick heeled boots. She waits for him. 

He understands now, gets it. “Okay, good, fine. Do you know where he is?” If she’s the one who showed him the backdoor, she should be able to point him in the right direction. 

She shakes her head but her eyes say something different. 

“Fine, this is crap. Bring me in here just to give me the run around. Seriously, I’ve got better things to do than play your fucking games, Fury,” he yells at the ceiling more for dramatic effect than anything else, because why the hell not?

He leaves but he’s unsure what kind of weird ass message he might receive from spy girl (a name he would never call her while he is sober), so he ends up back at home. He queries JARVIS several times on any incoming messages either covert or blatant and nothing appears until a pizza is delivered.

The pizza isn’t actually delivered, of course. No deliveries come to the upper floors of the Tower. The pizza is delivered to the main desk in the lobby, scanned, and then the guards call him and inform him of its arrival. He didn’t order pizza. He asks JARVIS who ordered pizza.

That’s when the elevator opens and Steve Rogers steps out with pizza in hand. “I did.”

“According to SHIELD you dropped off the face of the Earth.”

He peers at Tony with a slightly arrogant yet touched with innocent look (how the hell does he pull that one off). “I’m sure that’s not what they think.”

“What are you doing here?” Tony says and meets him half way to the sitting area. He grabs for the pizza because he’s not sure he even remembers the last time he ate. 

“You were bothering people at SHIELD about my whereabouts. A fella kind of hears about that.”

“Even if said fella-.” And he emphasizes fella like it might be poison to his tongue. “Doesn’t work for them anymore.”

“Natasha kind of exaggerated that part. I just took a leave of absence.”

Tony flips open the box and considers the pizza. Pineapple and sausage. Who would put that together on a perfectly good concoction of dough and gooey cheese? He frowns but yanks out a slice. “Leave of absence to do what?”

Steve shakes his head and follows suit. He picks the largest slice, folds it in half like a true New Yorker and chows down. “I think they say finding yourself, today.”

Tony chuckles because the incongruity of a man in a plaid shirt saying how he needs to find himself has to be one of the subtlest jokes the universe has to offer. “Find anything interesting?” 

Steve shrugs his shoulders and replies, “I don’t like television too much. I still like the movies, a lot. Subway is also the name of a place to get sandwiches which are pretty good. I still don’t like flying. Target is a store often referred to as Tarjay, and I think WWF wrestling is staged.”

“All that in a little over how many months?” Tony says as he mimes looking at his non-existent watch. “And wait a minute, you flew somewhere?”

He looks away for a minute and there’s a stillness about his body that stirs something deep and aching in Tony. When he speaks it is quiet and respectful. “I went to a funeral in England.”

Tony doesn’t ask because he doesn’t have to. Everyone knows, everyone respects the Captain enough to not tread on those memories. He grabs a slice of pizza because he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He wants to sling one over those broad shoulders but he doesn’t because that wouldn’t be appropriate. It isn’t like they are friends or anything. Sure they saved the world together but then they promptly went their separate ways.

“Sorry, I couldn’t come when, you know, the house,” Steve says around a mouthful of pizza.

Tony plucks off the pineapple and eats it. “Busy, huh?”

“Yeah, there’s a lot more corruption than I realized.”

Tony raises an eyebrow. “You were in D.C., weren’t you?”

“Yep,” he says and folds another slice of pizza. He’s eaten two already. “You know, getting to know people, seeing old friends.” His voice falters but he quickly recovers. “Anyway, you wanted to see me?”

“I just-.” Now he can’t really recall why he wanted to see Capsicle. It seemed so very important, crucial to, like, world security or something. Now, it just seems like he is some kind of weird voyeur with his old Captain America teenaged crush coming into play. “Just checking in since I’m back in New York, now, permanently.”

Steve studies him for a moment, like he wants Tony to say something else, like he’s searching for something. Tony feels it too, down deep in the twist and knot of his belly. He wants that connection that has gone missing. 

The silence stretches on just a tad too long and Steve fumbles with his last slice which is also his fourth. He chews it down and stands up, wiping his hands on his pants. “Well, you checked, I’m here now. Don’t think I will be going back to D.C. for the foreseeable future.”

Tony scrambles to his feet, he doesn’t want the Captain to leave, but he still hasn’t found his sea legs around the old man. “Thanks for the pizza.” He damns himself. Christ, he’s like a sixteen year old boy with his high school sweetheart. And damn why does that hit the target too close to home?

“Nice, seeing you, Tony,” Steve says as the elevator slides open. “I’ll miss you on the team.”

Before Tony can reply, the doors close and Tony stands there staring at the highly polished metal sheen. “JARVIS?”

“Sir?”

“Find out where he lives, what he does all day?”

“Spying, sir, a new hobby?”

“An old one,” Tony says. He forgets to call Pepper that night as he examines all the data JARVIS downloads on the comings and goings of his old high school obsession.

*oOo*  
JARVIS is a marvel and Tony doesn’t go a day without patting himself on the back for creating him. The information he scavenges from various outlets, and sources, tells Tony that Steve is living in New York, Brooklyn to be exact. JARVIS feeds Tony reams of data, but none of it precisely tells him what Captain America does with his time. Sure, he discovers that Captain America does still go to SHIELD for short periods of time throughout the week, but he doesn’t go on a routine schedule and most of the time he stays as far away as possible.

Tony flinches when he sees footage of Steve sitting at the same outdoor café which started this whole fiasco and notices Natasha joining him. Their conversation is far more comfortable and easy than Tony and Steve had. Tony hates being envious or jealous of anyone, since he can afford to buy God, he shouldn’t want for anything. 

He feels guilty afterward for wanting to deny Steve this one little bit of human companionship. Still, he doesn’t understand why Steve doesn’t warm up to him, stays cold and distant. Overall, Tony is a helluva guy, people flock to him. Granted, most people are swarming because of his money, but some of it is due to the charisma and charm. He’s sure of it. Maybe old Gramps is pissed about the whole Iron Man thing. Who knows?

Tony decides not to let it eat at him. He flies to California to take Pepper out on a date. She’s still a little miffed that he forgot to call her for three days and never picked up the phone when she called. He wines and dines her for a whole weekend and they have a fairly decent time of it. She’s still asking him what he’s planning on doing with his time and he thinks he plays a good poker face and shrugs a lot. The dour look and shake of the head tells him otherwise. He studiously doesn’t mention Steve.

Until he has to.

It seems he will actually answer the phone when Steve calls. Who knew? He thinks it is doubly bad that he answers during the post-coital cuddling phase. 

“Stark?” he says as he answers the phone.

“Tony,” Pepper whispers and lines her fingers about the scar on his chest. He thought the arc reactor was bad, the scars are worse. She continues to talk to him but he’s not listening to her anymore, he’s listening to Captain America.

He’s listening to Captain America swear.

“Son of a bitch, Tony, did you know? Did you?”

“Know what?” He shuffles and tries to sit up in bed with Pepper’s weight still on him.

“I am sick to death of all the secrets, you know? Sick to death. First, Bucky, now this. Damn it to hell and back,” he pauses for a breath and then adds, “Sorry, sorry about that.”

“What are you talking about, Capsicle?” 

“Coulson,” Steve says. “Coulson’s alive.”

“Shit.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Steve says.

Look at this they are bonding over being manipulated! Tony wants to celebrate a little, but he thinks that might be the wrong way to go right now especially since his girlfriend is frowning at him, and the man out of time may be hyperventilating on the phone.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m no-. I’m just-. Why does everything have to be so hard now? Everything has to be so gray. You know, in my day, you knew who the bad guys were. They didn’t run around with your friend’s face on,” Steve says and his voice is a volatile mixture of hell and grief all mixed into one. 

“I’m getting up, I’m coming,” Tony says without a thought. Pepper asks him what’s going on, what’s wrong. He doesn’t answer.

“They want me to come in, and talk,” Steve says. “Talk about what? About all the lies? I’m, I am glad Agent Coulson is alive; he was a stand up fella, but the lies. How deep? I can’t deal with this anymore. I’m leaving.”

“Don’t go anywhere, I’m coming to you,” Tony says.

“Tony, what the hell is going on?” Pepper rarely swears.

He cups his hand over the receiver and says, “Steve is having a meltdown.”

“What? Can’t you speak English? Whatever a meltdown is I am not having it,” Steve snaps over the phone.

“Steve, who?” Pepper asks.

“You know, big guy wears a flag on his chest, runs around going after bad guys.” 

“Captain America, I should have known,” she says and while her expression isn’t accusatory her tone is hurt and pained. “The Avengers.”

“Pepper,” he says as he listens to Steve on the other side of the country.

“Bucky tried to kill me, and no one told me. No one told me what happened to him,” Steve says. “Next thing I know they have me going after someone called the Winter Soldier. How the hell was I supposed to know?”

“Steve, I’m coming to you.”

“You’re leaving, right now?” Pepper says and she pulls the blankets and covers up. “Right now?”

“A guy who’s been frozen for seventy years is having an existential crisis here, I think I should at least give him the time of day,” Tony says and for one single second, for one single moment he resents the fact that he blew up the suits for her. Immediately, he shuts down that line of thinking and, more softly, says, “Pepper, I have to do this. He needs someone to-.”

“No, Tony, no,” Steve is saying in his ear. “I’m fine. I’m okay. I’m sorry I interrupted. I didn’t mean to.”

“But-.”

“No, you stay there, I’ll be fine.” Steve inhales loudly and Tony can imagine him settling his emotions to that cold, standoffish glare. “There’s a meeting being called. Hill wants everyone from the Avengers to gather to discuss future arrangements. Not sure you’re interested, but just in case.”

“I’ll think about it,” Tony says, not willing to comment, but definitely not willing to say no. 

“Bye, Tony,” Steve says and his voice sounds small and lost and maybe a little too fragile.

Before he hangs up, Tony says, “Steve.”

“Yeah.”

“Anytime.”

There’s a pause and maybe, just maybe, a shaken exhale, and then, “Okay, thanks.”

He disconnects the call and stands there for a minute staring at the phone in his hands. Steve could have called anyone, he chose Tony. He looks at Pepper sees the same question in her eyes and knows they’re breaking down.

*oOo*  
Tony and Pepper break up, and he knows it is for the final time. She doesn’t look exactly sad, but she does look resigned to the fact that they work so well as friends and not lovers. He accepts it, because he’s not sure what else to do. In some ways she is sweet to him, very sweet.

She holds his face in her hands right before she leaves and whispers, “You can do this, Tony. I know you can.”

He doesn’t ask her what exactly he is supposed to be doing, because she is wise and knows that he has to figure it out for himself. She pats the side of his face and kisses his lips with a dry, chaste touch. She says, “Do what you were made to do.”

She leaves then, and he stands in his New York penthouse and feels a longing that isn’t an emptiness but more of an expectation. He walks over to the staging area, where his Iron Man armor would wrap around him like a lover and says, “Do it, JARVIS.”

The suit emerges. It isn’t one of his latest and greatest suits. It has seen better days, but it is still his armor and it has always been locked away in New York waiting for him. He worries if he’s surrendering to his cocooned life again, but he knows he is not. He has to accept he is Iron Man just like Pepper has always needed to accept it. He brags about it, but constantly has tried to be something else, something he believed would be better.

But what the hell is better than being Iron Man?

Nothing.

Not for him, he’s Tony fucking Stark. He is Iron Man.

He ends up flying over the city and coasting along the buildings, loving the feel of being free within the sky again. Somewhere along his second hour of flying, a call comes through. 

“Sir, there’s a call from Captain Rogers for you.”

There’s a strange one. He frowns. Maybe old Freezer Pop is having another crisis. “Put it through.”

When the HUD reports to him that Steve is on the line, he says, “Captain?”

“Iron Man?”

“The one and only,” Tony says.

“Is that you, Stark?”

“Yes, who else would it be?” He’s suddenly very insulted - like anyone else would have such style and grace in the air. For God’s sakes, Rhodey flies like an elephant with wings and that paint job on the War Machine – a disgrace. 

“Just checking, there were reports,” Steve says.

It occurs to him that Steve is calling him and not Hill or Fury. Just what the hell is up with SHIELD anyway. “Cap?”

“Yes?”

“Are you calling for SHIELD?”

There’s a pause and he can feel the Captain weighing his answer. “No.”

“What’s going on?”

“Just saw Iron Man and wondered.” 

Something in Tony expands and he’s deliriously happy about the thought of the Captain calling him.

Before he realizes he’s doing it he’s saying “We could get together for like drinks or ice cream.” He cringes – Jesus – fuck – what the hell - whatever.

“Hmm.” He doesn’t answer because the next thing Tony knows Steve’s scrambling off the phone because there’s an emergency for the Avengers and has to answer it. 

It pangs in the place the arc reactor used to be when he thinks of the call to assemble going out and he’s not on it, he’s not included. He ends up back at the Tower, divested of his armor, arms folded across his chest, and staring out into the brilliance of the city. He’s not thinking of Pepper, he won’t because he tends to leave open wounds alone so they might heal. What he thinks about is the Captain, Steve. He called, just to check, just to connect.

He smiles, maybe next time.

*oOo*  
Next time isn’t good because next time, Coulson calls him and studies him with that smug face that is fucking ALIVE and says, “We need your help.”

“Mine?” He wonders what he can do to Fury that would be considered within the law and fast enough so that uber spy people won’t be able to hurt him, too much. He really, really hates being manipulated. He’s pleased Coulson is alive- not so pleased he’s here to bother him.

“Who is- are- is whatever – we who?” Tony says and flips over the gauntlet he has on his lap. He’s sitting in his living room in the penthouse with a number of the gauntlets strewn over the coffee table and couch. He’s been working on an upgrade and he’s not sure how everything migrated to this area. It might have happened sometime last night when he decided he was hungry. Of course, it could have happened at any time because life is like that – it tends to get away from Tony.

“It’s Thor.”

“Thor?”

“Yes, Thor, you know the demi-god from Asgard,” the agent says with that look as if he’s wearing sunglasses and really isn’t. 

Tony knows that look; he gives it to people all the time. It is the look that states I am looking through you to more important things. He knows Coulson is reviewing the armor perched on his couch and the floor and the fireplace mantel. It isn’t any of his business so Tony does not offer an explanation.

“Yes, Thor, does he have an issue?” Last Tony heard Thor was out in the cosmos somewhere dealing with his errant brother and his narcoleptic father. 

“He was visiting.”

“Not me, he wasn’t,” Tony says and walks over to his bar. He lifts up the bottle of bourbon, when Coulson waves him off, Tony shrugs and pours a glass. He takes a sip. “I did not lose a Norse god.” At least he thinks he didn’t. Things got a little maniac and crazy after Pepper left, but settled again once she called and they worked out their relationship – or non-relationship, friendship. Yes, they called it a friendship, he remembers that much now.

Coulson continues to talk right over Tony’s ruminations about his love life or lack thereof. “- visiting and took Captain Rogers to Asgard. When the returned, well, let’s just say Captain Rogers needs a place to recover.”

Tony squints at Coulson. He’s not processing anything that the agent just reported to him. Or at least, he doesn’t think he is, because didn’t Coulson just confess to letting Capsicle off the planet? “What?”

“Captain Rogers needs a place to recover that will be safe and someone will be there to watch over him. I thought this might be a good way to re-introduce you to the possibility of joining the Initiative again.”

“Is he injured?”

“Incapacitated, yes.”

“How? On a mission?” Tony says and wonders just how Coulson ended up in his penthouse. Again. He’s going to have to seriously discuss this breach with JARVIS. 

At that moment, the elevator door opens and another nameless agent walks in, or staggers in would be the better word, with Capsicle’s arm slung over his shoulder. The poor agent is practically toppling over as the good Captain sways on his feet and smiles at Tony.

“He’s drunk.”

Coulson smiles. “Yes, yes he is. We need him out of the eyes of the press and under lock and key. SHIELD is not the place to stow him right now since the Council is doing an audit. You’re the best bet at this point.”

“Home, I wanna go home,” Steve says and blinks – long lazy blinks. “Can’t get there from here, don’t even know how to try.”

Coulson points to the couch that is littered with Iron Man gauntlets and the agent supporting Steve stumbles over to it and, in a less than graceful move, allows Steve to tumble over the back onto his head and then flip onto the floor. The unknown agent doesn’t even seem the least bit sorry about what he’s done to Captain America.

“How exactly did Captain Metabolism get drunk?”

“Asgard has some kind of strong alcohol or mead that his body can’t process as well as Earth alcohol. It looks like he’ll be in this state for at least another six hours or so.” Coulson pulls out his phone and taps on it. “Or so the doctors estimate.”

“Estimate?”

“No idea really, since we don’t have a sample of it and he’s never experienced it prior to this little excursion.”

“And after that?”

Coulson shrugs as he jerks a finger at his lackey. They both move to the elevator. He enters the elevator with his side kick, smiles, and says, “We have no idea. Good luck, Iron Man.” 

The elevator doors close. 

“What does this do?” Steve says and picks up one of the gauntlets. 

“Put that down,” Tony says and races to stop Steve. He’s too late, of course. and the gauntlet wraps around Steve’s arm and he fires off a blast. It crashes into the bar across the room and explodes a good number of bottles and glass. 

“That was my whiskey.”

Steve stares wide eyed at the mess and then at his hand. “Wow, that’s kind of swell. I wish I had this. The shield is fun but wow, imagine, what Peggy would have said about this.”

“Why don’t we imagine while we put the weapon down,” Tony says while carefully approaching the Captain. 

“Weapon, yeah, dangerous.” Steve dumps the gauntlet on the couch and slides down onto the cushions. “You know, I crashed an entire plane into the water because of dangerous weapons.”

“Yes, I think everyone knows the story,” Tony says and presses a side panel on the gauntlet still attached to Steve’s arm, it unfolds but the Captain doesn’t notice. Tony gathers up the gauntlets and any other possibly deadly instruments from within reach of Steve. He tosses them in a pile and tells JARVIS to get one of the bots up here to clean it.

“You know, Peggy, thought your dad could help me land the plane,” Steve says and he’s not focusing just staring out into time and memories.

“Really?” He’d never heard that part of the story.

“Don’t know if he could or not,” Steve whispers. “I kind of knew I wouldn’t be able to land it. The tesseract was gone and the plane didn’t maneuver well.”

Tony stands over Steve as he lies on the couch, considering him. His father was a pilot, one of the best. “Did he even try to help you?”

Steve turns and looks at him, his eyes tired and so much older than they should be. “I never gave him the chance. I was worried if I tried, if I tried the whole plane would be like-.”

He doesn’t finish it and for that Tony is grateful. He sits perched on the arm of the couch.

“Now they’re all gone and I’m left.” His voice is deathly quiet as he says, “I wonder if I can die.”

That is like a shock to Tony’s heart and he grabs at his chest where the arc reactor used to be. “Christ, Capsicle, don’t talk like that.” Just the thought of Steve wondering something so fatalistic, so morbid sends that jolt deeper until it burrows its way by burning down his walls he’s constructed. Tony knows regardless of what he’s said that, while the cocoon of the suit has been shed, in many ways, he understands that he will always have his defenses, his inner shields. Yet, this man has crashed through some of them.

“What am I gonna do when everyone I know now, dies?” Steve isn’t staring at the ceiling anymore. “It’s one of the reasons I’ve tried to- I’ve tried not to get close to anyone.”

Tony frowns but tries to hide it, because he just realized that Steve is an honest drunk and a bit of a sorry drunk. He wishes he wasn’t privy to everything Steve’s just confessed but, at the same time, he understands the bitterness of loneliness, how it can drive a man to do things. He puts his hand down and tentatively places it on Steve’s ankle. 

“Then what’s the point, Capsicle?”

“Point?”

This would be so much easier if Steve was a happy drunk, they could get drunk together and he could dress Steve up like a 1940s hooker or some shit. He sighs. “The point of living. Being a superhero is not the point; the point is caring enough to be a superhero.”

When Steve just stares at him, open and slightly pitiful, Tony continues, “When I first became Iron Man it was to save myself and a good man. When I continued to be Iron Man it was about pride and showmanship, but then you came along and asked me who I was without the suit.”

Steve nods his head in an exaggerated manner. “Yeah, that was very rude. My mother would be ashamed of me.”

“Well, yes, but at the same time it was a challenge and it was true. Who am I without the suit? I learned a lot going through that portal,” Tony says as he fights off the shudders. “I learned who I am. I don’t want to lie down on the wire, just to do it. I do it because there are people I care about, people I love who would be in harm’s way.”

“That’s nice, that’s special,” Steve says and smiles. “I get it, I do.”

Tony can see he doesn’t just by his closed off attitude. He’s not even actually looking at Tony. “Do you?”

He sees the fire ignite, the Captain America challenge beating in the throb of his temple. He jumps up and says, “I do. I understand it. I laid it all down on the line seventy years ago for people I loved and people I didn’t even know. What the hell did I get for it? A call to duty, that’s it. I spend all my time at the gym or at SHIELD in meetings. What else is there for me? I don’t get attached because there is no one for me to get attached to.” Standing, nearly panting, as he screams at Tony, the tension is more than any Tony’s seen in the man before even with Loki’s glow stick of destiny.

“You have the Avengers.” Even he recognizes it’s a poor response.

“Ha, the Avengers, you mean the people who disappeared out of my life almost immediately? You mean those people? Or how about the people who lied to me about my best friend, yeah those people?” Steve’s whole body vibrates with anger.

Tony is certain Coulson didn’t have this in mind when he dropped the good Captain off for a babysitting stint. “Listen, I don’t know what happened with SHIELD and your friend, I don’t know how it must feel to be so out of time, but I know how it feels to be out of place. I’ve always been out of place.”

Steve gives a little huff of laughter as he sinks back onto the couch.

Tony sits next to him, shoulder to shoulder.

“Imagine a wild kid in college at the age of twelve, not fun. My life has been about being the odd one out because of who I am, who my dad was. I’ve always been set aside and apart. I’m not one of the crowd.”

“You relish it,” Steve says.

“That’s true, because it works for me. Because I’ve found people who care about and that are people I’m willing to lie down on the wire for,” Tony says and he slings his arm around those impossibly broad shoulders.

Steve stays quiet for a minute and then says, “I think I’m gonna puke.”

And so begins an hour and a half of Captain America’s body rejecting the Asgardian version of beer. It isn’t a fun or romantic way to spend an evening, but it does have its highlights. Steve leaning on him as he puts a cool wash cloth to the back of Steve’s neck is worth it.

*oOo*  
Pepper stands next to him, overlooking the city as the twilight fades into night. The fireworks will be starting soon and they have the best seat in the city. She smiles at him with that sweet, adoring look she always has just for him. They still share these special moments and a stab of melancholy hits him because he knows he can never be who she wants him to be, not one hundred percent. Being who Pepper needs him to be is to give up Iron Man, and they both know within his foundation he is Iron Man.

“This is nice, Tony,” she says as she turns around and looks behind her to his guests. “Asking people here for a little party and keeping it low key. I’m impressed.”

“Even I can do subtle.”

She chuckles. “I think you had JARVIS help you, because you, Tony Stark, do not do subtle.”

“Sure I do,” he says and smiles because she’s wearing the necklace he gave to her right after he’d blown up the suits. He learned what a good gift was and what a piss poor one was. 

She fingers the jewels and says, “Okay, sometimes you do get it right.”

He lifts his glass and says, “Yes, I still don’t get how the giant rabbit wasn’t right.”

“Tony,” she laughs and swats him playfully on the shoulder. 

He smiles at her and she is soft and sweet not to fall into his arms again, because he’ll end up ruining it or ruining himself. They both know that. She’s smarter than him, though and pats him lightly on the same shoulder. “Fireworks are starting soon; I’ll round up the crew.”

He nods and stands to wait for the lights in the sky when Captain America sidles up to him. Of course, he’s just Steve right now, drinking an Earth beer. 

“I wanted to thank you,” Steve says.

“For the party?” Tony asks as he peers over his shoulder. He invited all of the Avengers both former and current. He’s not sure about his stasis yet, or some of the new guys, like Sam Wilson. But he invited them all.

“No, yes, it’s nice,” Steve says and bows his head. “I wanted to thank you for screwing my head on right again. I needed someone to kick me into gear and you did.” He hesitates and then Steve interrupts him before he’s able to say anything else, “And thanks for holding my head while I puked for an hour.”

“An hour and a half but who’s counting.” 

Steve laughs. It is a small thing, but it is endearing. He puts his head down and smiles with a particular bashfulness that’s almost too delightful to be believed, to be real. Tony wonders how it would be to evoke that reaction more often, how he could make it grow and foster it, how he could make it special and only for him. 

Steve straightens and the moment is lost. “Well, thanks, it was really swell of you to do that for me.”

“Well, Thor gets to do it next time if he’s going to be the one introducing you to the alien sauce.” 

As Thor and Jane step out onto the open balcony, Steve lifts an eyebrow and says, “You’ll have to tell Jane that.”

Barton appears and he slaps Steve on the back. “Happy Birthday, Cap.”

“What a joyous celebration!” Thor announces. “I did not realize it was the anniversary of your birth as well, my shield brother.”

Tony kicks himself. He knew that little factoid, knew it since he was a little kid and walked around with his own Captain America action figure. Bruce and Natasha follow Fury and Hill out to join them and they all gather around the Captain to wish him a happy birthday. 

Pepper steps close to Tony and whispers, “He only has eyes for you.” 

Tony turns to look but the fireworks start and all eyes are on the lights in the sky.

*oOo*  
There’s more to life than the Avengers and Iron Man. He thinks this is the point Pepper may have been trying to make and he can appreciate it. Yet, he’s like a teenager on tumblr, he has to keep reaching out and touching and liking and posting because if he doesn’t he might miss something important, he might not connect. While he throws away his cocoon, he doesn’t discard his appetite for being Iron Man.

He knows that Iron Man and Tony Stark are synonymous. There isn’t a difference between the two, but he does know that he cannot _just_ be Iron Man. Tony Stark is _so_ much more than Iron Man. He needs to expand beyond Iron Man. He thinks once he learns this, once he fathoms this idea, that he should share it with Pepper.

He flies across the country, ends up at Stark Industries in Pepper’s office, discussing the epiphany he’s had.

“This is good, Tony, but I’m not-.”

“It’s more than that, Pep, it is. This is a wonder, a revelation of, you know, a magnitude of nine on the Richter scale.”

She bends forward and folds her arms on the desk. He’s always loved her in white; it sets off her ginger hair and her freckles. She both beautiful and pretty, he thinks that is a hard thing to pull off. “So, then, what are you going to do with it?”

He glares at her. Seriously, he’s pouring his heart out and now she wants him to plan the rest of his life. “I’m still in the afterglow, you know, Pep, like sex.”

“Oh, all I recall about that is that you like to take phone calls during post-coital cuddling.”

“One time, Pep, one time.”

She settles herself back in her chair and spins it a little. “Okay, Tony. What’s this really about?”

“About?”

“Yes, you did not come all the way out here to tell me you understand that you are _more_ than just Iron Man. While I’m happy that’s true, I think it isn’t the real reason you’ve come.”

When he looks at her, he sees it. It is pure and sweet, but also tinged with pity. She feels sorry for him. Pepper has never felt sorry for him, never. He hates the idea of it. She’s always seen him as self-reliant and, maybe, a loose cannon, but not a lost puppy. Even when he had his panic attacks, she never tried to baby him. He appreciated the fact that she always, always respected him.

For once he is at a loss for words, he mumbles something and he’s sure it sounds like he might be drunk. He’s not even sure what it is.

She saves him again when she says, “I’m glad you shared this with me, Tony. Now I think you need to share it with someone else.”

He grips the armrests of the chair because it is clearly a dismissal. It harkens back to the moment he gave her the strawberries and they couldn’t talk. He doesn’t want that, he never wants that again. She rounds the desk before he even knows she’s standing and then she perches on the corner of her desk.

Her hands interlaced in her lap, she says, “He called you when he was upset, he looked only at you during the party. He’s a man from the forties he’ll never ask you, if you don’t ask him.”

“Pep,” he whispers.

She leans down and does the best thing she ever could. She kisses on his lips and says, “It’s okay to try again, it’s fine to look and it’s even better to ask. Ask him. We’re okay, Tony, we always will be.”

He spends the flight back to New York rolling thoughts in his brain that don’t want to mash together. He thinks about Pepper and how she’s taught him so many things. He considers her love for him and his love for her. He realizes they will always be family, and she will always love him regardless if she disapproves of some of who he is. He thinks about his compulsion to be Iron Man and how it is at the heart, the center of who he is. He doesn’t have to have a magnet in his sternum to know that fact. 

He also knows that he wants to try something new. He wants to open a new page in his story. The story of Tony Stark isn’t yet finished. He is Iron Man. He is also more than Iron Man. 

When the plane lands, he presses the connect button on his phone.

“Steve Rogers.”

“Hey, Steve,” Tony says, his voice steady, true. “I have a question for you.”

He smiles when he hears the answer.

THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for spending part of your day with me. Kudos to you.


End file.
